Just to see you smile
by innocentjester
Summary: Based on the drabble fic "Giving up", Matt explores his new feelings for Mello, only to find out his best friend is falling for someone else. Angsty Matt, MattXMello and MelloXNear Lemony goodness
1. Chapter 1

I decided with some very nice encouragement 3 that I should turn my mindless, coffee-less, drabble fic "Giving up" in to an actual full blown fic. Really I was planning on doing it anyways…. But its nice to know someone is looking forward to reading it. So I dedicate this fic to Annabel (Technical-Difficulties) and her love for angsty Matt. I'm going to make sure that I include all of the things that Matt has "given up" in this story so I guess watch for the correlation of the other fic to this one

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these Characters, or the anime/manga/Live action movie/fandom of Death Note… I just use them and abuse them for my own sick pleasure and for the general amusement of others. This fictional work is rated M for Mello's mouth, M for Matt's angst and eating disorder, and M (N?) for Near's inability to stay out of my fan fiction. MelloXNear lemony goodness (later on I'm guessing) This is a boy on boy (yoai) fic, so if you are apposed to any of the aforementioned items please do not continue reading. I also don't own the song "Just to see you smile" by Tim McGraw… which is the theme song for this fic. On with the show…

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**Just To See You Smile: Track one**

"Matt"

…

"Hey Matt"

……

"Earth to Matt"

……..

"Wake up you lazy fuck"

_Arugh_… Matt's head hurt, and now his bloody roommate was screaming at him…. _Why the hell was he screaming at me?_

A pulsing wave of pain ran through the goggle boy's spine and burning like a forest fire in his mind, and then dulled out to a mild ache.

_I drank to much last night, _He suddenly wondered why he felt the need that he had to state the obvious…. to himself. Matt's eyes cracked open a smidgen and quickly shut them again.

"Ow, light really freaking hurts" he muttered, feeling the bed do a wave under Mello's weight, adding nausea to his list of things to complain about. Putting two fingers to his temples he made what could be interpreted as finger guns and pressed as hard as he could.

_Great, now my head hurt and my fingers hurt… Brilliant _He thought, wishing suddenly that his competitive side had not gotten the better of him the night before.

"You know you missed class this morning numb nuts" Mello crossed his legs, resting his elbow on his leg and his chin in his hand. The older boy had not however, and had to listen to the teacher give him the "be responsible for room mate" speech of which he was sure Matt had memorized by now.

"No shit" The red head's sarcastic tone earned him a punch in the shoulder from his leather clad friend, he winced, and suddenly wanted nothing more then to burry himself in his covers and sleep his hangover off.

"You know your going to miss afternoon classes if you don't get your pansy ass out of bed" Mello poked Matt in the side, when it seemed to exhibit little response he tried it again, this time with his steel tipped boot.

"Ow, What the fuck Mells? Leave me alone" He buried himself in a comforter cave, finding little comfort other then the fact that it was dark. Mello, who was never one to pass up a challenge, especially when it could annoy his best friend, leaped from his position on the bed and landed smack on top of him. Matt groaned inaudibly from his blanket cave, obviously in pain from the sudden accost, but unwilling to surrender so easily.

Mello scooted his way up the mountain of bed sheets that was Matt's abused form; he pulled the blankets back and pressed his nose against the boy's underneath. Matt opened his eyes to see Mello was really, REALLY close to him. "What do you want?" he muttered, loud enough for Mello to hear but not so loud as to shatter the fragile things that used to be his eardrums, which were still pounding from his major head ache.

"If you get out of bed now I wont kick your ass, how 'bout that?" Chocolaty sweet breath tickled Matt's mouth, and nose, as he tried to inhale under Mello's weight.

"How am I supposed to get up if you're lying on top of me?" Sounding breathless, his eyes narrowed, he was going cross eyed from trying to focus on Mello's face in the close proximity. He pushed up with his arms, but getting caught in the blankets he just managed to tire himself out. Mello laughed and pulled his face away, still remaining in his place on top of Matt mountain, it was a subtle victory but a victory none the less.

Mello seeing that he had succeeded in waking the goggled boy up and irritating the fuck out of him, slid off his perch and landed on the floor. He studied his room mates face carefully.

"Hey Matt, your face is all red" It was true, probably due to the heat of both bodies being sucked up by the down comforter and causing the red head to over heat.

"It's because you were cutting off my circulation moron" _Yeah that was it… _Matt told himself, it had nothing to do with the fact that the blond had been nose to nose with him, and they had been one blanket away from their bodies touching… no it wasn't that. He let out an aggravated moan, and pushed the covers the rest of the way off, he was still dressed from the night before just more disheveled, and slightly sweaty. Pulling himself up and out of bed seemed to suck the life right out of him, but to his surprise his head ache had dulled considerably from before. Even the bright light of the after noon that pierced through their room didn't seem to hurt so much.

"You know, with all the moaning you were doing, you sounded like some one was fucking you like a bitch" Mello chuckled, abandoning Matt's side for a seat in the red head's computer chair. He spun around as though he was suddenly bored.

"Only a fag like you would know what that sounds like" After his sassy retort Matt decided that that would get a pretty big rise out of the prissy blond, he dashed from his bed and took refuge behind the bath room door as a boot came flying through the air, hitting the door with a loud bang.

"Just hurry the fuck up" he heard muffled through the door as he turned the lock.

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The pain, though it had subsided some, had not gone away by the time Matt and Mello made it to their afternoon class. Matt ached all over, number one from the hang over, number two the rude awakening and number three and possibly the biggest reason for Matt's discomfort was the fact that Mello insisted on causing the red head bodily harm when ever he felt the urge arise. He laid his goggled head on the desk, shutting his eyes and willing that something, _anything, _would stop hurting long enough for him to have a coherent thought.

"What's wrong with Matt?" A soft and unemotional voiced asked from behind him, he recognized it as the number one student of the school, Near. Matt groaned in response, not because he was ignoring the albino that was all of a sudden butting his way into his business uninvited, but by the fact that in order to describe how he felt to the younger boy he would have to reveal the escapades of the night before. He was already on thin ice as it was with Roger, and he didn't need something like Near blabbing about under age drinking to go and ruin everything…. Again. It was lucky for him that he didn't have to worry about it for long, Mello, Near's self proclaimed rival in status came to his rescue.

"Shut up Near, its none of your damned business" Mello had his feet up on the desk, making him look more intimidating then normal to the crowd of students forming the class room. They kept a safe distance away leaving a void around the trio.

"Really, I don't think that kind of language is appropriate for school Mello"

The white haired boy took his usual seat two desks to the front of Matt, but turning backwards in his chair to face them.

"Why don't you eat my nuts?" Mello hissed.

Cracking his eyes open Matt could tell his best friend was annoyed, Mello was grinding his teeth, glaring off in the direction of Near, if looks could kill his profession would be staring.

"You guys are like a married couple" Matt chuckled, knowing full well he was going to be punished in some way for that remark. To his surprise however there was none, just a "humph" from the direction of his friend, and a black wordless stare from the top student.

_Mello must be going soft, _He mused into his desk, not wanting to get up or move. He just hoped no one noticed as he drifted off to sleep.

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GAME OVER

"Gah" It was never a fun experience to see these bright red pulsating words flash across the screen, a silent mock at the hours of hard work and dedication that went up in what seemed like an uneventful puff of smoke. Matt set his controller down to the side, his cigarette hanging hap hazard out of the corner of his mouth. He sighed and stretched, being careful not to rouse the dosing boy who was occupying his lap. Mello had wanted to drink again, obviously still upset with the earlier events regarding Near. Matt had been regaled on their way back to the joint room with the usual rant.

It was a typical Friday night for the two boys, Mello bitches, Mello gets drunk, Matt lights up a cigarette, Mello passes out using Matt as a pillow, Matt smokes some bitches on GTA4, and sometimes even gets drunk him self, either way the next morning usually starts some time around 1 pm. Matt had avoided drinking that evening, just looking at the beer bottle turned his stomach and he new he wouldn't last long if the liquid touched his lips.

Staring down at his roommate a small smile creeps onto the redhead's face. He had always liked to watch Mello sleep, it seemed to him the only time the leather clad terror seemed peaceful, angelic even. Even when his leg had fallen asleep sending wave upon wave of stabby, tingly numb and pain, he didn't have the heart to wake him. Matt inhaled deeply, taking in the smoke and tar from his cancer stick mixed with a chocolate/vanilla scent that seemed to radiate from the blonds' hair. It was intoxicating, he felt as though he could get lost in the smell that was Mello. "feh" What was he thinking, that sounded so gay he laughed at himself. It was a nervous laugh; it felt as if he was lying.

Mello stirred, bringing Matt quickly back to reality, he snuffed his cigarette out in the ash tray next to the couch, "I guess its time to wake the princess up"

Mello didn't need much coaxing from Matt to slide off of his lap and stand, he was coherent for the most part, but not in the least bit awake and aware of what he was doing. Matt stood and slipped an arm around his intoxicated friend, guiding him slowly across the room and to the blond boy's own bed. Pushing Mello to a sitting position, Matt knelt down to unzip and remove the steel plated boots and line them up neatly next to the bed, Mello yawned and started down at him with glazed look over his eyes. Matt stood again, grabbing the hem of the blonde's shirt and pulling it up over his neck and arms. Mello obeyed Matt's silent instruction in a doll like fashion, an occurrence that only happened on nights like these when Mello was to drunk and tired to function on his own. Tossing the shirt aside, Matt began to undo the buttons on the leather pants; he had long since gotten over the eerie feeling he got of Mello staring at him with that glazed over look while he undressed him. Patting Mello's leg, it was his instruction for the older boy to move so that he could remove his pants, like so many times before. Mello started to move but stopped, his eyes still glazed over, his breath still reeking of chocolate and booze.

"Come on Mells, almost done" he assured, but Mello didn't move he just stared intently at the redhead.

"Hey Mel did you fall asleep?" Matt put his palm on the blonde's forehead, he was sweaty. Matt tsked and wiped the sweat off on his shirt.

It was only a moment that Matt had let his guard down, only a moment that he had looked away; a moment was more then enough time in the world of Mello, conscious or other wise. In a fluid motion that Matt could only have guessed to be pure luck or freaking magic, Matt went from standing by the bed, to being tossed like a rag doll on his back. He winced at the pain of his spine coming in hard contact with the floor, he felt how ever a sudden rush as the boy called Mello, strattled his waist.

"M-Mells" he choked out, his breath robbed of him by the sudden contact with the floor, and the weight of Mello on his small frame. "What are you doing?"

Mello didn't respond, his face and his eyes were cold, and emotionless, had goggle boy time to think of it he would have thought it reminded him of Near. Matt's breath hitched and his heart caught in his throat as he felt two warm hands slid under his shirt, scrapping nails gently but forcefully over his skin, stopping to caress his nipples until they were hard and erect. "Ah! Mello… what the hell-" his breath was robbed of him again as Mello slid slowly downwards, grinding his against Matt's crotch sending hot jolts up the red head's spine.

"uhn…" Matt bit his lip, trying to stifle a series of moans that were trying to get him to betray his better sense. What ever strength he could muster he pushed through his hands which reached out and touched Mello's chest. His plan was to push the older boy off of him; it was a good plan and might have worked if he had not suddenly lost all strength as Mello began to move his hips in a slow and rhythmic manor. Each new movement sends new waves of pleasure over the redhead's body and he felt himself shutter in ecstasy despite himself.

"Oh God-"shoving his fingers into his mouth he bit down hard, trying to regain control of his body in some way. Much to his relief Mello had stopped grinding into him for the moment, and Matt took a long hard breath. Little beads of sweat had formed on his for head and slid off into his hair; in the fry he had somehow lost his goggles. His reprieve however was short lived as he once again felt Mello's hand on him, this time they were making their way down Matt's stomach to the rim of his pants. Every where that Mello touched, burned and tingled, Matt could feel his mind clouding, his judgment getting fuzzy. _What's wrong with me?_

_This is what you want_ A voice in the back of his head told him. _No! _He cried out to it, _Mello is my best friend…. _He began to pant loudly as Mello's seemingly experienced hands undid the fasten on Matt's blue jeans. _I can't let him do this! _He screamed in his mind. _He doesn't know what he's doing! _

_You want it; you want him to touch you. You've been waiting for this for so long. You want your best friend to take advantage of you. You want him. _As Mello's fingers worked, Matt was finding it harder and harder to fight the voice inside that told him… he wanted this.

Matt heard the zipper of his pants being pulled down and he started down in a mixture of horror and lust, no matter what he was telling himself, about how wrong this was, Mello was making him hard.

"Mello" Matt whimpered, tossing his head back to the floor and arching his back into the air, his best friend had a hold of his man hood and was pumping it in his hand. Any chance of fighting back was gone from matt's mind as he melted into the motion of Mello fisting him. He bit his lip as his back arched again from pleasure, stifling a cry that caused his eyes to water.

Matt's open mouth was hungrily engulfed by Mello's, the older boy slipping his tongue in, wrestling for domination. It was a strange taste, a mixture of chocolate and the faint smell of Matt's last cigarette. The blonds' free hand continued to work on Matt's member stroking it fast and slow in steady increments applying pressure to the underside and even grinding his nails in, each pump pushing Matt closer and closer to the edge.

Even with being preoccupied the wrestling match in his mouth, Matt felt the feeling in the pit of his gut, he was so close. As though he understood the moans that Matt was making, Mello stroked faster, squeezing the redhead so hard that he was forced to break off the kiss and Matt cried out. The de-goggled boy had never cum so hard in his life the shear force of it sent him into a fit of pants, he shut his eyes and basked in the glory. Mello released the hold he had on Matt and seemed to slump to the ground, it took the red head a moment to realize that he had passed out again.

Shaky he stood up, fastening his pants with trembling fingers, bending down again he hoisted up the limp form of Mello and steered him to his bed. Matt tucked the boy in and watched as his best friend cuddled a pillow in his sleep, once again taking on the appearance of an innocent angel.

Tired, shaky and confused Matt flung himself into his own bed, covering his head with the blanks as though to shut out the whole of the world, he sent himself in to a night of fitful sleep.

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Alright, so that is track one! Huzzah, Matt's confused, Mello is drunk and every ones waiting to see what happens in the morning. See you all in chapter 2!


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, back again with track two, poor Matt… he's so confused by life right now and its only going to get worse. Also I'd like to point out Matts annoyance that Mello never seems to have a hang over in the morning, thou its clear the blond drinks him under the table every night…. But I digress

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note blah blah, this fic contains boys loving other boys blah blah blah, teen angst blah blah, kissing, hugging, and other violence. MM k? On with the show

Just To See You Smile; Chapter 2 God of Sex

"Fuck me"

Mello's arms were sore, he rubbed them tenderly and wondered what the hell had happened that they could be like that. Thinking back to the night before, the last thing he remembered was watching Matt play GTA4 as he polished off yet another beer. Drinking had not been as fun since Matt went on liquor hiatus, even if it had one been a day. After that the whole thing got strangely fuzzy, and he could only conclude that it had gone as the usual Friday nights had gone.

"I must have passed out" That explained it, Matt must have putt him to bed again, he would have to make fun of him like he always did after these kind of nights, for being a fag and undressing him while he was passed out. Grinning to himself, he would rot in the ground before he would admit to the gamer that he was grateful he had a best friend willing to do so much for him in his drunken slumber, even when he knew he must have been a real asshole the night before.

Sitting up, his usual first view of the morning was a Matt shaped hill in the middle of the gamers' bed.

_How the fuck can he sleep under all the blankets?… I would die. _

Jumping out of bed Mello started to his first task of the day, whipping out a slightly mangled bar of chocolate from his bed sheets he took a long and satisfying bite. Now to his second and equally as pleasurable task, the early morning (or in this case early afternoon), annoyance of his room mate. It was something he liked to do even before he showered and dressed for the day. Mello practically bounced to the other boy's bed, jumping on next to him and stretching out in the free space to Matt's left side. Turning his head to the side, he took another bite of his chocolate bar, surveying the huddled mass. Matt was completely hidden from view but Mello could hear his faint breathing. Its sounded weird, irregular, not that the blond had paid much attention to what the redhead's breathing sound like normally, but this was a noticeable change, it was like he was _panting_.

Mello sat up and threw the covers from the gamer boy's body, suddenly growing concerned. Matt was curled up into a ball, clutching his knees, his face was flushed and he was drenched in sweat, his beautiful red locks pasted to the sides of his face. The worried blondes' eyes grew wide, he jutted his hand out and felt the gamer's forehead, it was sweaty, but he didn't seem to have a fever. At the touch of Mello's hand the still asleep and heavily panting Matt let out a tortured moan, had Mello not been worried about his best friend's heath just then, he would have had to admit it sounded erotic.

"Hey Matt" Mello gently shook the younger boys shoulders, Matt made some unintelligible mews but his eyes remained closed. He shook harder, lifting the boy's top half into the air and supporting him against his own body.

"Hey Matt, wake up" Mello shook again, causing Matt's head to fall back onto his shoulder, the younger boy's face wrinkled as if he was in pain, he muttered something that Mello couldn't catch.

"Hey ass munch, don't lay on me! Wake the fuck up" Mello's word were meant to sound harsh by they came out as worried mixed with panic, as his failed attempts to rouse his best friend were growing more and more violent. Matt sat up slowly, he rubbed his eyes open and yawned, glancing around confused for a moment, when his eyes connected with Mello's deep blue ones. Mello was staring intensely at him, and Matt mentally noted that the blond looked more flustered today then usual.

"Are you ok?" The blond asked slowly not taking his eyes away but retrieving his abandoned chocolate and snapping off a piece.

_God he has beautiful eyes… _Matt thought as he snapped himself back to reality. _What the hell am I thinking all of a sudden? _Matt's mind drifted back to the night before, the kiss, the embrace, how his best friend had gotten him to moan so sensually and cum so hard. Involuntarily Matt brought his hands to his cheeks and blushed a shade of crimson that could rival his hair. "Oh fuck"

"Dude, are you going to be sick? Cause if you are let me get the fuck out of the way first" Mello sat back on his haunches, not an easy task to do on a bed, but one that he had mastered with some practice.

"I'm not sick Mells" lying back against the bed board, Matt tried to compose what little of his nerves he had left, pushing any and all lingering memories of the night before out of his mind.

"Do you have asthma or something that I should know about?" Mello mimicked him, popping down next to the redhead and munching away at his bar of chocolate, his voice had gone from concerned back to uncaring and bored.

"You know I don't"

"Well fuck then Matty, did a magical God of sex come in the window last night while I was sleeping and fuck your brains out? Cause seriously I'm out of ideas."

Matt let out a burst of nervous laughter, _Not quite _he mused. "As if" was his response, running his fingers through his sweat streaked hair making bits of it stand on end.

"Oh that's a sexy look Matt" elbowing his best friend in the ribs and winking at him. Matt made a mad dash to flatten it back out but it just made the locks stick up more. "Oh I give up"

They sat in silence for a few seconds, the only sound was the snap of chocolate and the first few audible chews, Mello was staring off into space and nothing in particular, and Matt was rubbing his face with his hands.

"So you didn't answer my question" The blond finally stated, continuing to stare off into nothingness and bit another piece off"

"What question was that?" matt played dumb, staring at he back of his best friends head, his hair looked so soft. Had he every really noticed how shiny and soft Mello's hair was? He wanted to reach out and touch it, run it through his fingers and inhale the sweet sent of vanilla.

"What's wrong Matt?"

Matt forced a big smile and flung himself onto his stomach, he rested his chin in his arms and kicked his legs in the air much like he had done when he was younger, the reverting was Matt's sure sign that he was lying, and Mello knew it.

"Don't lie to me" The blonde's voice had grown cold and serious, he hadn't moved his gaze at all but he had long since stopped consuming his chocolaty confection.

"What do you want me to say?" matt asked, he was growing annoyed with his conversation and the direction it was headed could only spell disaster for him.

_What Mello? You want me to say it? Do you want me to say that I was having sex dreams about you? Do you want me to scream out that I think I'm in love with my best guy friend and that I enjoyed what you did to me last night and I would love for you to fuck my brains out right here and right now? ? Is that what you want me to tell you Mello? _

Matt's mental rant played out on his face, pissing off the blond to no end, Matt had never with held things like this from him before, at least not anything this important.

"Fuck you Matt" Mello hissed, rolling off of Matt's bed and storming into the bath room, he emphasized his annoyance by slamming the door as hard as he could fallowed but a string of loud but muffled curse words.

"You have no idea Mello" the redhead muttered into his arms as he buried his face into them.

"You have no fucking idea"

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Ok so the end of chapter 2 and the beginning of the Matt and Mello fight. In the next chapter Mello is still angry at Matt, and Near seems to take advantage of the situation in order to comfort him. Silly silly puff ball.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to Rain and Rin for their comments 3 they mean a lot to me. Sorry for the month long hiatus, exams and what not had me camping out under my bed for a while. Not to mention someone broke my portable hard drive which had all of my fan fictions on it. _ Note: its Saturday so there is no class, they are how ever in a class room, Near is there because he's studying and Mello is trying to avoid Matt, they are not actually_ in_ class. I call this the "Mello's come to Jesus meeting" chapter.

Just To See You Smile; Chapter 3 I think there for I am…. An idiot.

It was a book being thrown across the window hitting the closed classroom window that got the albino's attention, it was thrown at such a force that it caused a loud bang that rattled the window on its frame before it came crashing to the ground. Looking up from his text book, Near twisted a piece of hair in his fingers, and side glanced at the angsty blonde who was reclining in his seat feet propped up on the desk in front of him. It was obvious from the expression on his face that he was upset about something, it occurred to the younger boy that it might be the first time he had ever seen Mello angry about something that didn't directly involve himself. Near turned in his seat to get a better view of the older boy, he stared blankly at him, twisting his hair, the gears in his brain constantly turning. Mello growled lowly when he felt the cold eye upon him; he glared at the smaller boy but made no move to get up.

"What do you want?"

The response from Mello was surprising to the young albino, even though Mello was annoyed, he hadn't called him a name, and he was speaking in a relatively quiet tone. Near hmmed quietly and calculated his response thoroughly before speaking.

"You seem upset" he finally settled on, it was stating the obvious but in this case it seemed like the logical course of action, Mello was a highly volatile substance that needed to be handled with extreme care.

"What to you know?" Mello kicked the desk in front of him, his arms folded across his chest and he almost seemed to pout, eyes floated about the room before they came to rest again on the white clad younger. Near thought it was obvious that he really knew nothing on the subject of feelings and how to deal with them, but to hell if he was going to admit that to the other boy, the blonde hated him enough as it was.

"It was just an observation; I have read that when someone is upset that they need the company of another to listen to their problems, this is an option I am willing to explore if you need." Near shrugged turning in his seat so he was once again facing the front of the room. He lazily flipped through his text, though he was really waiting for Mello's response to his baiting.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Mello humphed in his seat for a moment, mumbling to himself about the fact that Near couldn't possible understand _his _feelings because he was an emotionless robot. Glancing over at Near again he focused on the back of the boys white head, his brain torn. He hated this kid more then anything else, and under normal circumstances it would be _him _the blonde was upset about, it would be Matt that he would go to bitch to. In this case however it was Matt he wanted to bitch about so… logically….

Mello was up like a shot, claiming the seat in front of the albino, sitting backwards he startled the back of the chair with his long legs. Folding his arms he rested his chin on them sighing. Near quietly closed his text book and waited for the blonde to speak, he had read that when a friend came to another friend to talk about their problems, it was the best course of action to pay attention to them, and interject only when the conversation called for it.

"So, I get up this morning right? And I'm all like, I'm going to be a good friend and get the idiot gamer up because he missed class yesterday sleeping in, I mean I'm being a good friend right?!"

Mello shook his hands to emphasis what he was saying, Near nodded slightly, this was one of those times that the friend who is listening is to interject a response without actually talking, he would have to take notes about this later.

"Right" Mello nodded, seemingly pleased with Nears textbook response, and continued uninhibited by the albino's blank stare. "So I go over to wake him up and I notice something is wrong, it sounds like he's having an asthma attack, so I pull back the covers and he's like huddled there in a little ball like some sort of baby, moaning an groaning like he was in pain or something" Mello stood up and began pacing about the room, his voice growing steadily louder as his spoke, showing he was getting more passionate about his story.

Near nodded again, his eye brows furrowed as he tried to imagine the redhead in pain thought he wasn't sure his metal images were doing the real thing justice. Mello grabbed his seat again, sinking down into the hard plastic chair.

"So naturally I'm worried sick because he looks like shit and he's sweating and moaning, so I try shaking him to wake him up and he won't wake up, right?" Mello's arms waved widely like a New Yorker giving directions to a tourist. Near nodded slowly, a finger traveling up to his bangs to play with them, eyes focused intently on the blonde's passionate reenactment of the mornings events, it was utterly festinating to watch Mello talk, he suddenly understood why Matt listened to him.

"So I'm like freaking out now because he's having a seizure in the bed and I can't wake him-"

"Matt was having a seizure?" Near interrupted his twirling had ceased for a moment and he almost looked concerned.

"Well ok, so it wasn't a seizure but he wasn't waking up and he was muttering something…"

"What was he muttering?" Near interrupted again, he hadn't quiet gotten a hang of this "quiet listening" yet.

"The hell should I know?! Are you going to listen to this or not?!" Mello slammed his fist into the desk, but his anger had left him some time ago and Near was sure he would continue weather he answered or not.

"Sorry" he nodded for the blonde to continue, and resumed twisting the white plates of hair in his small fingers, he was finding that he rather liked this story, no matter how disturbing he was finding it and he wanted Mello to continue confiding in him, no matter what.

Mello sighed, hitting the ground with his steel tipped boot. "So I finally got him to wake up, and he's acting all shady, not answering my questions, and avoiding talking to me"

"So he woke up and he-"Near started again but a cold glare from Mello shut him up again. "Sorry" the albino sunk back in his chair, he would have to write about this later in his journal.

"He actually refused to tell me what was going on, I mean he was seriously sick and he wouldn't tell…. Matt tells me everything, I mean he's my best friend for God sakes, best friends are supposed to tell each other their secrets…right?" Mello's voiced dropped and he laid his chin on his arms again, sadness sneaked its way into his eyes and for a moment, Near was sad too.

Near decided this was a good time to state his opinion, he had little experience with friends, since he didn't have any, so knowing the protocol on when to speak and when not to speak was a mystery to the genius, however this for some reason seemed an appropriate time.

"It seems logical that there will be some secrets withheld between friends, even ones as close as you and Matt are, so it's reasonable to say that Matt has things he doesn't want you to know." Near sighed letting his hand rest in his palm, before Mello could interject his protest he continued, raising his finger to show he wanted the blonde to stay silent. Mello oddly enough complied.

"It's possible that what ever Matt is keeping from you is just to personal and he hasn't the courage to tell you about it yet" Near lowered his finger to indicate that it was Mello's turn to talk.

"Not have the courage? Why would he not have the courage to tell _me _something?" Mello whined, tracing a imperfection in Near's desk with his finger, feeling slightly dejected by the albinos assumption.

"Well depending on what he's hiding, maybe it's embarrassing and he's afraid that you'll make fun of him for it" Near seemed to hit the nail on the head, another important entry in his journal; he was becoming good at this "friend" thing.

"He's afraid I'll make fun of him? But… why… " his voice trailed off, Near was a bit surprised that the blonde even had to ask at all given the amount of teasing that he doled out to the masses on a daily bases, to the albino especially.

Near sighed, it occurred to him that he might regret saying this but it was a good opportunity for the blonde to grow and become stronger in himself, so he continued… for science.

"You tend to enjoy exploiting people's personal flaws for your own amusement Mello"

Mello sank into his chair a bit, his eyes a mixture of shock and uneasiness, sure he knew he was a bit bitchy at times and most people tended to annoy him, but he was no where near that bad… was he? Had he gotten so bad that even his best friend no longer felt he could divulge in him? This did not sit well with the chocolate loving blonde; he bit his lower lip in annoyance. He didn't want to hear about this and from Near of all people, it felt a little like a personal defeat.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it though," the albino continued, setting his text to the side. "Your good qualities tend to out way your bad ones, and Matt is an understanding person, he has to be to be your best friend, I have a feeling that this whole thing will blow over soon"

Mello blinked a few times, he was almost in complete shock of what he heard. Had Near of all the people in the universe just complemented him? His rival for the number one spot, and his arch enemy in all of life's trails had said that he had good qualities? He had to be dreaming.

Seeing Mello's confused face Near sighed, it looked like he was going to have to spell it out for the boy, which is why Mello would always and forever be number two, he was oblivious.

Leaning forward the albino grabbed a handful of the blonde's shirt pulling him awkwardly forward over the desk. Their lips connected, the albino's eyes had closed slightly, a rare showing of trust he had given to Mello. All in all it was not a completely unfavorable first kiss for the albino.

Part of Mello's brain was screaming at him to sock the annoying bastard in the face, but it was quickly snuffed out by the fact that Near's lips were warm. Warmer then he had always thought the ice bitch would be, and he felt strangely excited. The kiss was brief, lasting only a few seconds but for Mello it was like time had stopped and they were caught in it forever. Near let go and sat back in his seat, his face was the usual blank but his eyes seemed to be glowing. Mello hadn't moved from his painful place over the desk, he felt frozen in the icy eyes of his rival. It dawned on him slowly.

_Near had kissed him._

What did that mean? Mello searched the younger boys face for some sort of answer for his actions, he how ever found none and it was infuriating.

"What the hell?! How could you kiss me and then not say anything? Say something!" Mello's voice mimicked his exasperation, showing that Near had managed to knock down one of Mello's shields.

"What do you want me to say Mello?" Near asked calmly, it irritated the blonde even more, he was a train wreck after something like that and the robot was still completely in control. There was something about Near's words that seemed familiar to the black clad boy, like he had heard them somewhere recently. Mello pushed the feeling out of his head; he would dwell on that later.

"Explain yourself!" Mello yelled slamming his fist into Near's desk. Near blinked, his finger returning to the habit that deemed him a robot, he sighed.

"If I told you, you would just make fun of me" He answered flatly, even he realized as he said it that it was a bit of a low blow. The albino wished he could take it back as the blonde's face fell and he slinked back in the seat. "I'm in love with you"

Mello wasn't sure which part of his brain kicked in at which moment, he was sure that later on he would not remember even giving his brain the signal to do this, none the less he dove over the desk again, harshly shoving his mouth against the albino's. Near's emotionless face portrayed shock that Mello was sure the albino had never experienced before. Mello's movements were not as fluid, nor as calculated as his rivals, but he got his point across none the less. What ever the feeling Near felt, Mello felt it too, if it was love then so be it, love and hate was the same thing as far as they were concerned.

Caught up in their actions neither the number one nor the number two heard the sound of the class room door sliding open, nor the sound of heavy foot fall as boots clacked on the linoleum floor. They did hear how ever the loud smash of an expensive PSP shattering on the ground and the two split a part as if they were contagious with the plague.

At the door stood a horrified stripped boy, customary goggles adorning his head, fiery red hair that you couldn't even find in a box, of which had been on a journey to find a quiet place to play his game, the class room he figured would have been deserted. The silence between the three successors of L was deafening, no one wanted to be the first to speak. Silently, Matt backed up to the door, sliding it open with a shaking hand; he turned to make his not so stealthy escape, leaving his ruined game behind.

"Get a freaking room you two, God" He yelled over his shoulder, forcing an annoyed but sarcastic voice he had managed to perfect through years of bullshitting, it worked more beautifully then he anticipated.

"Really do you think us normal people want to watch the two of you making out… gross, try to put a lid on it… fags" he laughed lightly, that's it Matt, he told himself making it sound like he merely walked in on an embarrassing situation that he shouldn't have, rather then feeling the searing pain that was ripping through his heart as he slid the door shut behind him.

The image was forever burned into his eyes, no turning back now.

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I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it turned out a bit different then I originally wanted but I think I like it better this way. More angst, in next chapter, maybe some light shonen ai, and the beginning of Matt's eating disorder. Stay tuned.

So to explain the sentence; "Mello's arms waved widely like a New Yorker giving directions to a tourist."…. LOL I'm a New Yorker and New Yorkers tend to talk with their hands a lot. I have been told by many that New Yorkers don't just say directions they give directions with their whole bodies… which is really funny to watch, much like directing a plane onto a landing pad.

"fiery red hair that you couldn't even find in a box", I felt the need to explain this one, it's a saying that refers to people who dye their hair from hair dying kits you find from the super market. Some peoples hair is naturally a color that you wouldn't be able to duplicate, even if you dyed your hair regularly. I realized after re-reading this chapter that some people might not understand what that mean. LOL


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